”What Is True”
John 14:1-7
The Rev. Donna Giver Johnston
Sunday, April 20, 2008
I received a call from God to leave this church. This is true.
This may come as a surprise to you. It did to me. But then again, why should we be surprised by God’s call? After all, we worship a God of surprises. All you have to do is read through the Bible, and realize that what is true is that our God is a God who works wonders, in unexpected, amazing ways.
There is the call to go to another land and to bear a child to old Abraham and Sarah; there is the call of Noah to build an ark before the flood came; Moses is called by a burning bush; and yes, the Israelites are called to walk through the Red Sea. There is the call of a Virgin to have a baby; the call of shepherds by angels to go see the Messiah lying in a manger. There is the call of the 5000 to eat and be filled with two fish and five loaves of bread; the call of a storm to be stilled; and the call of the paralyzed man to stand up and walk. Oh, and then there’s the call to come and see the empty tomb and to witness the resurrection. God is always doing a new thing. Even here and now, God is doing a new thing, and calling us to new ways. But God’s ways are not always our ways; and God’s thoughts are always higher than our thoughts.
We know that, and yet still, when the call comes to us, we think it should be different. We think we know the way it should be. I certainly did. I thought my call was to be here a long time, certainly through the end of the interim time, but God had another plan.
This past fall, on one night after a Session meeting, I came into the Sanctuary to pray, as I always do. I sat down in the front pew. Right there (fair warning). I prayed: “Dear God, thank you for this day. It wasn’t a particularly good day. I trust tomorrow will be better. Bless the church. Bless us all. In Jesus’ name, Amen.” A simple prayer and I was home to bed. Or so I thought. But, I made the mistake of lingering in the silence for a while.
And that’s when I heard that still small voice, saying: I wonder what it would be like if you left? I said out loud, “I can’t leave. The people need me here. It’s a difficult interim time. I need to help hold the church together. I can’t leave.” There, I thought, I’ve argued persuasively, discussion over. But, then I heard the voice again, I wonder what it would be like if you left? “Well, I don’t want to leave. I love it here. I love the people. I do good ministry here, I think. I don’t want to leave.” And on and on I argued. But, when I finished, still the voice: I wonder if you would think about leaving? “I would prefer not to leave, thank you very much. My kids are doing well in school here. They have good friends. We like Findlay. We want to stay.” I thought that would be the end of it. But, the voice persisted: I wonder if you would think about leaving? On and on I argued for over 2 hours, and then I finally gave in and said, “Okay, I will think about it.” And the voice was silent. But, as I left the sanctuary, I opened the doors one last time and whispered into the silence, “but, I’m still not leaving.”
But I promised God I would think about it. And so began a process of wondering about leaving. I received two unsolicited phone calls by two different churches inviting me to apply to be the head of staff pastor. I read the Church Information Forms, prayed about it, but I did not feel a sense of call. And to be honest, I just could not imagine leaving this church I know and love for another one. And so, I did not consider it any further. “There, I thought about it, God, and the answer is no, I’m not leaving.”
But, the voice would not be silenced. And so, I thought about it some more. And prayed about it some more. I remembered back when I went to seminary, my sense of call was to study so I could teach. I wanted to pursue my PhD and teach in a college or seminary. But, God had other plans. The call was changed to lead me into parish ministry in the church. To my surprise and delight, I learned that I love being a pastor. But, still, my first call was to study and teach. Maybe that’s it. So, I Googled, “PhD in homiletics (a fancy word for preaching).” The first hit was Vanderbilt University. All I knew about Vanderbilt was that is was in Nashville Tennessee.
So, I began researching and found myself getting more and more excited about the program. Especially about the possibility of using my knowledge and my experience in the church to help teach and equip future pastors to serve the church I love. It seemed like a good fit for me. And I especially liked the less demanding student schedule which would allow me to spend more time being Mom to Rebecca and Christian.
Brian is a big part of the story, of course. You may or may not know that Brian quit his teaching job in New Jersey and moved here to support my call in this church. He was stay-at-home Dad for 4 years. When he went back to work, he tried hard to get a job in Findlay City Schools or one of the county schools, but could not. He has been teaching in Kenton for the past 2 years. While he has learned much there, and grown as a teacher, still he longs for more.
And so, we began to wonder together if Nashville would offer him a better teaching opportunity, me a study opportunity, and a new opportunity for our family. People told me that getting into a PhD program was difficult and so I should apply to multiple schools. But, I only felt called to Vanderbilt. And truthfully, I only wanted to give God one school to work with! If the answer was no, then it would be clear to me that I could stay here. But, if the answer was yes. . . well, I prayed for abundant clarity, and that’s what I got. Not only was I accepted, but I was offered a full scholarship for 4 years of study plus a stipend plus health insurance. That, coupled with other signs made it clear to both Brian and me that we were being called away from Findlay and being called to Nashville. And so, it is with both a heavy and a joyful heart that I leave.
Our Gospel lesson assigned by the lectionary for this day, providentially perhaps, is the Farewell Discourse. Jesus is going away from his disciples—too soon in their minds. In the sorrow of saying goodbye, Jesus says: “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Believe in God, believe also in me.”
Jesus says what is true. He acknowledges the troubled hearts of his disciples. And he also encourages their faith in God. He stands in the tension of the unknown, among anxious hearts, and points toward God.
Friends in Christ, while it’s true that I have been called by God to leave so that I can serve the church in a different way, in a different place, I hope you know that it is also true that I will always treasure the time spent here with you. It has been a privilege and a blessing to be your Pastor. I will miss you. All of you. But, in a sense, I will take you with me—memories of the joys of being partners in ministry I will take with me, and no doubt, share with my future students studying to be pastors.
And I will pray for you. Everyday, I will pray for you. I will pray that God will ease your troubled hearts and help you to keep on believing. To keep on believing in a God who calls and equips; blesses and heals. Keep on believing in a God who freely gives grace and peace enough for each day. Keep on believing in God who loves and loves and loves some more. Keep on believing in a God who works wonders, in unexpected, amazing ways, in ways different than we could ever imagine. Keep on believing in God, because God never stops believing in us.
There are so many things you have done and said that I am packing up to take with me and will hold close in my heart. One thing I will always remember is little Nora Dellifield saying, “ I go to the church where the steeple points up.” Here at the First Presbyterian Church, the steeple points up toward God, it always has, and it always will.
My dear friends, keep looking up. Keep believing that with God all things are possible. And if you remember nothing else I said from this pulpit in the last six years, remember this: God is with you. God is with us all now and forever. This is the truth. And it’s the truest thing I know.
Thanks be to God. Amen.